He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem. Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted. (NIV)

I think one of the hardest things to teach as a parent is the importance of being kind to your siblings. In my experience with my own kids, each of them on their own can be caring and generous, but put them with a brother or sister in a cramped space or together for a long weekend and they become the most selfish and unkind versions of themselves. Trying to convince them to turn the other cheek feels near impossible. Someone has to go first, I tell them over and over; someone has to lay down their need to be right and offer the first kind word or action in response to injustice or scorn. Just this last weekend, one son was mocking and chewing out his brother for what seemed to me a small offense. When he was called out on his hurtful behavior, he responded, “Why should I be kind when he’s not being kind to me?”  

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That’s the heart of the matter, isn’t it? Our natural tendency is to treat people the way they treat us, not how we want to be treated or how Jesus commands us to treat others. We want mercy for ourselves and justice for others who have wronged us. I think our culture very much teaches (and I’ve even heard other parents say) we don’t hit people, but it’s okay to hit back if someone hits you first.  But in fact, this is the opposite of what we are supposed to do, as Romans 12:17 says, “Do not repay anyone evil for evil.” Jesus teaches we are supposed to love our enemies and turn the other cheek.

In Isaiah, there is a foreshadowing of the Messiah who will one day take away the sins of the people. We know, of course, that man described in this passage is Jesus. Chapter 53 of this prophetic book tells us that Jesus will suffer for us. Not just in his physical body will he experience pain, but he will be “despised and rejected,” meaning he will be considered worthless or worthy of scorn. How could a sinless man who showed such great compassion and mercy be hated and rejected? Even after the worst treatment, Jesus still went to the cross because of love, to die on behalf of those who despised him so they wouldn’t pay the penalty of their sin.

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The idea that struck me from this passage was that Jesus’ love was not dependent on how he was treated. Living in this way is incredibly difficult. Much of what we do and say is a direct reaction to what was done and said to us. We weigh whether the other person is worthy of a kind word or our help, like the Townley brothers who insist on holding grudges and being ugly to each other. For example, “You didn’t let me have the seat I asked for so now I am not going to share this snack with you.” I also imagine those of you who are married can think of many examples of withholding kindness from a spouse whom you deemed unworthy that day of your affection or assistance. This dynamic can also play out between parents and children, friends and co-workers.  

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What I don’t want you to take from this verse is that you need to be a martyr in relationships or to suffer from physical or emotional abuse to be like Jesus. But I think the real question here is what do we do when we are wronged by other humans? We are just humans ourselves, not perfect like Jesus, and yet we are called to be like him in how we interact with others. Showing unconditional love has so much power to transform and heal. Loving someone with your words and actions when they are being unlovable shows them the love of God because it’s not based on their good behavior. That kind of grace reflects Christ in our relationships.  What does this sacrificial love look like for us in our day-to-day relationships? In marriage? How can we reflect Christ when others feel undeserving of our kindness?

Dear Jesus, your sacrificial love for us is beyond what we can understand. Our desire is that we would give away just a portion of that love to others, but so often we are selfish and demand that people earn our love. Show us, we pray, the places in relationships where we aren’t freely loving, where we are waiting for right words or actions to show love. We know you alone can help us live from a place of grateful, generous love. We pray in your mighty name, Amen.