Jacob looked up and there was Esau, coming with his four hundred men; so he divided the children among Leah, Rachel and the two female servants. He put the female servants and their children in front, Leah and her children next, and Rachel and Joseph in the rear. He himself went on ahead and bowed down to the ground seven times as he approached his brother. But Esau ran to meet Jacob and embraced him; he threw his arms around his neck and kissed him. And they wept. (NIV)

Jacob and Esau were twin brothers with a history, to say the least. They did not get along at all; the Bible tells us their fighting began in the womb! Their dad favored Esau; their mom favored Jacob. Sibling rivalry was at the bedrock of their relationship. In this context, earlier in Genesis, Esau, after being out hunting, returning home, and smelling a warm stew being prepared by his brother, asks for some. Jacob takes advantage of this by having his brother give up his birthright for a nice, hot, satisfying bowl of stew. In Jewish culture, the firstborn child, or first out in the case of twins, had the sole rights to the inheritance of the father. Must have been a good stew!  

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And there’s more: Later, Jacob tricks his father to give him his blessing instead of giving it to Esau. The blessing was leadership over the family or clan. So now twice, Jacob had taken advantage of his brother. Later, after dad dies, Esau plans revenge by plotting to kill Jacob, and Jacob flees for his life. Some 20 years later, after wrestling with what God wants him to do, Jacob returns to meet Esau, where he sees an army of 400 waiting for him. And presumably death as well. But instead, Esau runs and gives Jacob a welcome-home hug.

In this story, we see Esau forgiving his brother for the wrongs done to him. We also see the humility of Jacob in approaching Esau to ask for forgiveness. Instead of retaliation or maybe death, “Esau ran to meet Jacob and embraced him; he threw his arms around his neck and kissed him. And they wept.” Notice in verse 3, that Jacob went on ahead and bowed down to the ground seven times. This showed respect, like a servant would bow down to a lord. In this case, Jacob, the one who had received the family birthright and blessing, comes to his brother with the humility of a servant. What a change from the selfish events of the earlier years of his life.  Bowing down was also usually done in the presence of a lord, but Jacob does this from a distance, showing humility before even approaching Esau.  

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A few things to note from this exchange: One, it’s never too late. We often just go on with our lives and ignore or don’t even think about restoring a relationship in need of forgiveness. In addition, it can also be a struggle to take these steps, causing us to wrestle with God. But what really stands out is that Jacob makes the decision to walk down this path, even though it felt out of reach.

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Contrary to how it’s often explained, forgiveness doesn’t mean acting like wrong things didn’t happen. Jacob’s approach shows us how to come to forgiveness in humility. How often are we afraid to admit our faults when approaching another for forgiveness? And, as Esau did, instead of inwardly focusing on how we have been wronged, we can instead redirect our thoughts towards the reconciliation of the relationship.  

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Finally, although the story doesn’t address it, I wonder if Esau also wrested with God on whether to forgive his brother. We also may find that, just when it looks like someone couldn’t care less about forgiving us, they are actually prepared to reach out and give grace.

Search my heart, Oh Lord. Make me aware of your call to forgive someone whom I have wronged. Bring to my mind where reconciliation is needed. Give me the humility to ask for forgiveness and to give forgiveness, as well. Amen.