Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. (ESV)

I grew up in a Lutheran church. We went every Sunday at 8:30am, then afterward was Sunday school. At least once a month we would have an all-church potluck, which always seemed to have some type of casserole and a macaroni salad. As a young kid of 10 or 11, I always felt like I was missing out on something else: maybe an epic fight against pirates in our back woods or storming the beaches of Normandy with my friends! As I grew older, church became a routine, and to be brutally honest, it became something I did not want to do. It felt more like a chore than a mission.  

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This was the foothold the enemy needed. I started to get frustrated and critical of the church. I saw people who came to church and did all the religious things, but from my viewpoint, didn’t act it out in their everyday life. As a young man I thought, I don’t need the church. It was just a building where I heard a lecture, nothing more.

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And yet, Paul likens the church to a beloved wife, to a bride. The Jewish culture of the time held many wedding traditions. When a marriage was set, the groom’s family would pay the bride’s family the Mohar, which was the amount of money that it would cost to hire someone for the work previously done by the wife-to-be. Right after that was a time of betrothal, where the groom prepared a place for them, and the bride prepared herself for the wedding. God is never unintentional with words, so why does he call the church a bride?  

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The church isn’t just a building or a chore. The church is us, and Jesus paid the price for each and every one of us. He paid our price on a tree, bearing every sinful thing we have done or will do. He did this because he loves his bride and paid more than we can fathom to sanctify her, to make her holy.

As a young man I believed in a distorted view of the bride of Christ. My view was more like a dysfunctional marriage instead of the beautified relationship it is. I used words like “a dead church” or “a dying church” or “stagnant and unmoving.” As I grew older, my words grew instead to competitiveness: “my church is better than yours.”

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Sadly, this view broke friendships in my life. I have been in arguments with people I love and respect over something as simple as how the gospel is presented from the stage in a service.

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A wise man and mentor told me, “Don’t grieve the bride of Christ.” This comes from Ephesians 4:30 where Paul says not to grieve the Holy Spirit; the word grieve in this text means to cause pain, unhappiness, distress or hinder movement. Man, that hit hard. I had been so divisive in how I treated the bride of Christ. As a part of this thing called the church, I was critical, envious, and “my church was better than yours.” We are called instead to sanctify the church, to prepare her for the day the bridegroom comes back to take her to dwell with him.

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Every church is different; every congregation has a purpose. How do we strengthen and grow the Church? Just like our body, we wouldn’t expect the toe to look just like an arm. But somehow, we do when it comes to the church. Sadly, this is a big reason there is very little church collaboration today.

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How many churches do you pass on your daily trek to work? Do we pray for God to move and work in these parts of the Church? That the gospel would run like a forest fire through them? Do we talk to people from other churches with an undertone of well, this is what my church is doing, or do we have an eagerness to hear what their church is doing? Instead of being critical of moot points, be prayerful and encouraging to the church as the singular bride of Christ.

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I encourage you today to be building up Christ’s bride, to be prayerful for her, encourage her, sanctify her. The bridegroom is coming; are we building up or tearing down his bride?

Jesus, you are holy. You are the One who has gone ahead preparing us a place. Thank you for loving us that much. Jesus, help us to see your bride the way you see her. Help us to strive to build each other up toward you. Jesus, we love you, and it’s in your holy name we pray. Amen.