Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. (ESV)

Earlier today I was hanging out at a friend’s house, and our kids were perfect angels.  

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Just kidding! Per usual, there were some squabbles, and at one point, an apology was needed for grabbing a toy away. My friend and I started talking about how important it is to teach our kids to apologize well. A good apology has a pronoun, saying sorry, and the specific issue (I am sorry for taking the toy away from you). Just saying “sorry” isn’t usually enough; it doesn’t accept responsibility for the action or infraction.

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Earlier in chapter 3, Paul talks about putting to death what is earthly in us (vs. 5), and then once we have done that, we can “put on” this list of beautiful qualities of a believer. In just 43 words, Paul packs quite a punch! It occurred to me that by putting on these virtues, we will naturally lean more into forgiveness. By being more compassionate and kind toward others, we are more likely to see the issue from their perspective. By having humility and meekness, we push aside our pride. With patience we start to “bear” with our fellow believers.  

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Then Paul goes on to say, “As the Lord has forgiven you, so you must forgive” (emphasis mine). The Message translation phrases verse 13, “Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you.”  

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As a believer, not forgiving is not an option. If we truly understand what Christ has done for us, we have no choice but to forgive. But that doesn’t make it easy, right? I think if it was, Paul wouldn’t have included the phrase, “Bearing with one another.” He’s encouraging tolerance, but not in the way that the world views tolerance today. He doesn’t mean tolerating sin - that is never okay. He is encouraging unity in the church, working together toward a common goal of spreading the Gospel of Christ.

We go to the gym to exercise and become stronger, but no one would expect you to be able to deadlift 300 pounds without any practice. We can’t forgive the big stuff if we’ve never worked on forgiving the small things. Maybe we need to practice saying, “I’m sorry for the *specific offense*.” Or perhaps we need to practice saying, “I forgive you.” Both can be equally challenging. It’s not in our nature because we are not naturally good, and forgiveness is contrary to the world’s message of self-preservation.  

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I’m sure you can think of multiple times you’ve been hurt by someone, or a time someone has done something to offend you. How would things have been different if you chose to forgive instead of holding a grudge or trying to avenge? Or maybe you’ve been the one to hurt someone, accidentally or intentionally. If you didn’t ask for forgiveness, what was holding you back?

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What radical changes would we see in the future if we asked for or gave forgiveness immediately? It’s so different from what the world expects, that I imagine people would notice. That doesn’t mean we can’t have loving conversations when there is an issue we need to address, but in the end, we should always choose forgiveness, because we have been forgiven by our Heavenly Father.

Dear Lord, please soften our hearts and help us to be more like Jesus in forgiving others. Let us put on compassion, kindness, humility, meekness and patience as we work on bearing with one another in forgiveness. Let forgiveness be our first reaction instead of our last. We love you Lord, Amen.