By the time David had finished reporting to Saul, Jonathan was deeply impressed with David—an immediate bond was forged between them. He became totally committed to David. From that point on, he would be David's number-one advocate and friend. (MSG)

Have you heard about transactional relationships? This may look like a benefit-focused relationship founded on the expectation of receiving more than freely giving. Maybe you've been in such a relationship before. Living in New York City, where the hustle and bustle of the East Coast mentality drove the self-interested exchanges of transactional relationships, it was a free-flowing element that was palpable in the culture around me. While I might assume these transactional relationships would be found solely in the workplace, it seemed complicated to compartmentalize this kind of relationship cycle, and it began seeping into my personal friendships and romantic relationships.  

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While transactional relationships are practical, efficient, transparent, and mutually beneficial, they made me question the value of human connection and relationships. I fell into the lie that these "give-and-take" relationships were normal, expected, and would be fulfilling at some point, but I noticed that these transactional relationships lacked true partnership and deep connection. Through a series of events, I was left with the burning desire to learn to change and love others well. It wasn't until I moved out of the city and started developing friendships with emotionally healthy people that I realized I had much to learn.

Jesus is our great teacher and example of how we should do relationships. One of the first things I learned in having healthier connections with others is that authentic relationships cannot survive on being transactional. Jesus challenges us to live a radical life of selfless love. 1 John 3:16 says, "This is how we've come to understand and experience love: Christ sacrificed his life for us. This is why we ought to live sacrificially for our fellow believers, and not just be out for ourselves" (MSG). Living in our selfishness leads us into sin that steals our hope, kills our hearts, and destroys our ability to love others with the selfless love God calls us to have in our relationships.  

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Love seeks the well-being of others and the giving of ourselves for the sake of another. Jesus loved selflessly, with generosity, compassion, and without transactional expectations. He created us to be in a community and have deep relationships with other people. In today's verse, we see Jonathan become one in spirit with David as he loved him as himself. This bond was so strong that nothing could break the unwavering loyalty and commitment between the two. David loved Jonathan with a selfless, foundational love that would carry them through the hardest of times. So, selflessly, in fact, that even after Jonathan was killed, David cared for his son (2 Sam. 9:7).  

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If we genuinely want to love others well, as David and Jonathan’s relationship exemplified, we must look more like Jesus. We can commit to having God be the Lord of our lives, memorize Scripture, give through ACF, pray constantly, and never miss church. These virtues sound like characteristics that make up a great Christian, but surprisingly, those things don't matter if, at our core, we don't love others well. This list also describes the Pharisees who memorized Scripture, evangelized in the name of the Lord, tithed, were in constant prayer; the list of all the religious things they did can go on. But Jesus criticized them, calling them white-washed empty tombs (Matt. 23:27-28). They looked great on the outside but were dead bones on the inside. These religious leaders did not love others well. As 1 Corinthians 13:1 says, “If I speak in the tongues of men of or angles, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.” We can make a lot of noise with our words, but if our heart posture is not authentically aligned with what we say, our words become empty and meaningless without the love and grace of Jesus.

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Our emotional and spiritual maturity is about learning to love well. Simply put, learning to love well is becoming like Jesus. Love is a lifetime assignment, and to do it well requires us to have the desire to take the long road. It's easy to give to another person for the sake of giving and then walk away. But what does it look like to give selflessly in our relationships? It's about being in a community, walking with people in authentic relationships, and being a reliable person to lean on. As we become more like Jesus, we make sacrifices for others. We are busy, but selfless love says, "I'll make time." Making these sacrifices and growing in this type of love means investing, caring for, and giving without expectation. Love isn’t always a feeling; sometimes it’s a verb that requires us to look outside of ourselves and meet the needs of others.

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As you walk into the weekend, I encourage you to spend a few moments contemplating what it looks like to honor someone else's needs more than yours. What does it look like to embody selfless love and take the long road with someone in your life?

Father, thank you for paving the way as a great example of sacrificial love. You gave your only Son to die for our sins, and he freely chose to die for us. As we walk in the spirit of loving sacrificially, help us to look more like Jesus and less like the world. Let us embody a spirit of truth, love, and integrity as we work to encourage and serve with selfless love. It is in your holy and mighty name we pray, amen!