For I am the least of the apostles and do not even deserve to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me. (NIV)

I recently read a story of a woman who was able to forgive her husband’s killer. This particular family owned a Christian bookstore in Gaza and would share the gospel with any and all who entered their bookstore. One evening, after receiving multiple threats from religious extremists, her husband had failed to come home from work. He was brutally attacked in a nearby field and left for dead.  

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We often read stories of martyrs dying for their faith, but what about those who commit those atrocious acts of violence? Paul, the author of the book of 1 Corinthians, was one such man. Thinking he was upholding God’s own Law, he hunted down and persecuted Christians. Scripture tells us Paul was there participating with approval at the stoning of the Christian, Stephen (Acts 8:1). But Paul’s life completely changes after his encounter with Christ (Acts 9). He joins the early church and is slowly forgiven and trusted by the other apostles. But how does he go on to forgive himself?

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In today’s verse, Paul is reminding his readers in the church of Corinth that he hasn’t forgotten who he was before his conversion. Yet, his past does not define or exclude him from testifying to the gospel. In fact, it is God’s grace that redefines him. He can truly say, “by the grace of God I am what I am.”

You may believe and understand that God loves you, but do you actually believe that God likes you? That he delights in you and enjoys you, as well? It's easy to assume that God views us how we view some of our own family members: we love them, but we don’t always enjoy being around them. Despite not liking someone, we feel obligated to love them because we have to - they’re family.

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But here’s the truth: God not only loves you, he actually likes you. It is by God’s character and his very own nature of grace that this is so. The Greek word used for grace in this Scripture is charis. When we think of grace, we might understand it to mean “unmerited favor,” but it can also refer to “that which awakens pleasure or secures joy.” It can refer to something beautiful, elegant, or lovely, and something with charis wouldn’t be marred with deformity or flaws. In Ancient Greek literature, charis was also seen as a mystical power that could influence through aid or help. Jesus is the embodiment of charis: he is unmarred, one that bestows supernatural help and aid, and delights to give gifts - not because we deserve it, but because it brings him joy. Grace is in the giver, not in the one who receives.  

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The truth of how God views us is how we need to view ourselves. Because we are forgiven in Christ alone, we can forgive ourselves too. By Christ’s forgiveness, Paul was able to stand in a room of fellow Christians without being crushed by guilt and shame. Because of his past, he was able to declare more boldly that he enjoys the pleasure and favor of God, not by anything he has done or earned, but by God’s giving and gracious nature.  

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When God looks at you, he sees beauty. You awaken joy within him. He sees you through the eyes of grace. Do you believe that today? How does this truth allow you to live in his forgiveness for yourself today, too?

Lord Jesus, I praise you that you came to Earth in grace and truth. The truth is that you loved us even while we were sinners, and you desire reconciliation and intimacy with us. Thank you that your very nature of grace allows us to forgive, not only one another, but also ourselves. When I don’t believe this truth and lean into the lies that I am unworthy of forgiveness, help me see that and confess it to you. May the Holy Spirit guide me in your Word so that I am renewed and transformed to live out forgiveness for myself. Amen.